remember

All the story tellers are gone...

This past week my great aunt Mary passed away. Mary was my grandmothers sister, and she was a diamond among coals. I spoke to my mom yestreday after leaving her furneral and she said it was beautiful, she sounded sad, and I could head the sadness in my dad's voice when he asked me "what is your favorite memory of aunt mary?" My "auntie" Mary was such a beautiful and interesting women, she was never afraid to say what was on her mind, and didn't care what anyone thought about her views and ideas. she was strong willed. she had a mouth that a lot of times was quite crude, but it went well with her silk pj's that she always wore, and her constant showmanship with class. I have not met many in this life like her. I remember (as weird as this may be for some people to read) anytime there was a conversation about sex going on, aunt mary wanted to join. she wasn't afraid to talk about the things, that most people are. She was so loving. She was my grandma's older sister, and she always talked to my grandma that way. i loved that about her. even when they were 84 and 82 my grandma was still her baby sister. I want to send my love to my cousins and family who is back home right now, i'm sorry i can't be there. i hate it, the distance kills me in times like these.

I love you all.

The last time i saw my aunt mary was over thanksgiving. my dad has told me that she was sick, very sick, and it was probably a good idea if while i was in town i went and said my goodbyes. this experience was something entirely different from anything else, never in my life have i said goodbye to someone, full well knowing this would be the very last time i saw them alive, the last time i could speak to them face to face while on this earth, the last time i could hug them and smell their personal sent, the last time i could look into their eyes. i wont forget it. i held it together until the very end and then i lost it. what made me hurt so much was that auntie mary also knew i was not just saying "goodbye[!]" i was saying "goodbye[.]" it felt like i was doing something wrong, like i should have spent the rest of the time there, sitting next to her.

In this recent passing i have come to feel something different. i get so excited about getting older, and experiencing the things that i always dreamed of as a little girl, but as i get to experience these dreams other things in life happen. I now sit here feeling... all the story tellers are gone.

my grandpa (grandma bettys husband) died when i was 12 years old, march 4th 2000.

my grandma mable died when i was 18 (my moms mother)

my uncle george has passed away sometime soon after,

my uncle braybant has passed away,

this past april my grandma bettys other sister, my aunt marge passed away.

the thing i remember most about my years spent with these people, are their stories. they were story tellers, and they are gone. my parents can tell us stories about when they were little, and we were little, but nobody is here anymore to tell my parents their stories, and to tell us of their childhoods, during the great depression, of their parents coming to america, of hiding money in the walls during the times when although it was illegial it was the best thing to do. of my great grandfather making his own whisky in the cellar of his shoe shop in detroit.

to tell us stories of detroit, when it was something to see.

to teach us songs, songs which i will now sing to my kids one day. to tell us everything that made our famalies what they are now. all the home video are now filled with people whom have left us. i miss them. i miss their hugs, i miss seeing the joy in their eyes. they had lived, they had seen so much. i wish so much i could go back.